circumitus: You can pick it up if you come down with ID... (i do believe we have a fire lady)
Reybama ([personal profile] circumitus) wrote2014-12-16 03:23 pm
Entry tags:

☏ [HADRIEL] ic inbox

CODE   🔋 12:01 AM

House 1401

"not here right now.
leave a message. will get back to you soon. probably."


NOTE: As of December 2016, Rey has adopted the alias Fiona Stransky.
Something to keep in mind for anyone attempting to contact her via Guard means,
since "Fiona" will not be a registered ID outside of the Guard records.
hasitsthorns: ғᴏʀ ʜᴇʀ ɢᴏᴇs ᴏɴ (Default)

action; slaps cw: attempted suicide all over this thread

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-03 12:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's strange, being here again. She'd broken her promise that she wouldn't do this. A promise can only go so far though without the people left to uphold it for. "You're not alone anymore, Rosie," he'd said. What a lie that was. Not that she can really speak much on lying, all things considered.

Promises aren't necessarily cheap but, well, when you don't have anyone around to collect on them... It all seems kind of pointless, doesn't it? A lot seems pointless to Rose these days. So it's come down to a choice. She could keep going on and inevitability lose herself to her hunger (she will lose, she knows she will now) or see just how many times it'd take before Hope loses hope and stops reviving her.

Since she doesn't want to give Kite or Yao or her father or anyone the satisfaction of seeing her become the monster they'd all know she would be (not again, never again), she's decided the latter. The blond stands tall on the edge of a building likely just tall enough to kill her on impact. It wouldn't usually, but she's hungry and that hunger has been eating at her in more ways than just mentally. She won't heal. She knows she won't, she know she'll be nothing but a crimson splotch on the ground and yet it's a




Something is holding her back from actually taking the leap. Something she can't quite discern or understand. It's a chance, at least, for someone below who might see her silhouette to stop her yet.
hasitsthorns: ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ (Eᴠᴇɴ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-05 10:34 am (UTC)(link)
[ There was a time Rose would have heard Rey approaching. Whether hearing her steps or the subtle shortness of breath. But now, after a year of starvation, she's lost so many of her sharpened senses. She considers it ironic, sometimes, that she got what she always wanted (to be human) but at such a hefty cost.

On that thought,
] What do you imagine when you think of 'monsters'?

[ Humor her for a moment, Rey.

The blond doesn't show any sign of actually jumping, but also doesn't show any sign of stepping off the ledge. It's a precarious position for them both to be in. She supposes if Rey really wanted to, she'd be fast enough to bridge such a short distance and 'save' her, but... First, the question.
hasitsthorns: (Aɴᴅ I ᴀᴍ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-09 12:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There is a reason she hasn't jumped yet. What exactly that is, honestly, she couldn't say. Rose had come up here so sure, so certain that she wanted to die (again) and yet... ]

What makes a monster to you?

[ Maybe some small part of her sees reason. Sees that there's a way out. She's needed, Sorrow had said. Keep your chin up, Delight had asked of her. She's trying, but... She knows she's a drop in the bucket. There's a big enough pool here that she really can't make that much of a difference, can she? ]
hasitsthorns: (pic#11024138)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-15 12:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I definitely feel that. [ Regret. Guilt. It eats her alive from the inside; kind of ironic, honestly, considering the people she murdered in Haven just to feed herself. ] If I didn't, I don't think I'd be up here wondering how fast it'd take for my brains to be splattered on the pavement down there.

[ They're similar, in that way. Other people have forgiven her or, for the better, forgotten. Like Jo. So why can't she forgive herself? Why is she still a monster that no one but her believes her to be? The blond plops down to sit on the edge of the building now with feet dangling over the side. Any notion of jumping seems to have passed. ]

I made a lot of mistakes, in the world before this one. [ A beat. ] I eat people, see. Soylent green. That's supposed to be my kind's my diet. We trip people on mountain passes and eat them because of course we do.

[ A bitter, sardonic laugh. ]

I was never good at doing what I was supposed to though since I was little, which is another sob story for another day, but in Haven there was this crazy-ass doctor. Phillip Kite. He experimented on me and drove me to a feral state where I ate someone. And also made it so I couldn't stop eating people. It's... an addiction, I guess. He changed my physiology, maybe. I can't eat anything else anymore, all tastes like garbage.

Not that I've... eaten since I came to Hadriel, but. I'm afraid I will the longer this goes on, the hungrier I get. I keep thinking I should just end it all before the inevitable happens.
hasitsthorns: ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʏ (Aɴᴅ ɪғ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀᴍ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅs)

y u p

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-16 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Rose isn't sure what she was expecting in confiding in Rey, but has to admit it wasn't quite that. She'd known that the other woman was something beyond human. What, exactly, had alluded her. Granted, she'd never made it her business to know.

Still, she mentions being angry at being reassembled. Rose remembers the rage burning her alive from the inside that she'd felt at first upon waking up back in Haven West. The hot tears she'd cried, how she could barely look anyone in the eyes. It burned through her and left cold ashes in its wake. She felt hollow and miserable and betrayed. She'd gone to Haven East to die, but she was still alive and it was the last thing she wanted. How could they think she was anything worth saving?

Then they lit a spark of hope in her heart in the form a bomb, exploding a building within Haven's barrier. It gave her for the first time since she could remember the thought 'Maybe can fight back against Yao after all.'

But now the demon isn't Yao. It's herself. How do you fight back against the monsters inside your head? She needs another explosion, possibly. A figurative one since she doubts Tranquility would be appreciative of her ruining his city even more than it already is. But she doesn't know where or how to start. Hm.

Why not?

[ she asks, a quiet but sincere inquiry. Why would Rey - a woman who stabbed her a couple months ago - want her alive? ]
hasitsthorns: (Sᴏ ᴛɪᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴘᴏsᴛ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-17 12:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ In a way, she appreciates Rey's honesty. Because she's right. It's the easy way out.

Rose has always like the easy way. It's why she ran back home, it's why she eventually tried to permanently end it in Haven, and now why she tried to die here too. Still wants to.

The woman barks a laugh at that last bit though.

Ah, yeah, I've. I've been there. In Haven, my packmates... After I tried to kill myself there, they alternated being so pissed they didn't even know where to begin telling me off and then trying to understand. Treating me like I was going to crack again any second. [ She pauses, looking wistfully out at the dilapidated underground city she's been stuck in for almost a year. ]

Hiruma, actually... I think he did it best. He told me 'You're not alone, Rosie' after giving me an earful. But then he didn't let me sit down and wallow. He didn't treat me like I was porcelain. He got my ass up - even when it was the last thing I wanted - and running. He knew I was still capable, I just needed to see for myself I was.

[ There's a long silence that settles after that. Tears burn her waterline before she breathes out. ]

I miss him. I miss all of them. They were packmates and I don't. I don't know what to do without them sometimes, honestly. It's like part of me's missing. There's no way to replace them, I can't, but I think I need... I need to find a way to ease the pain the holes they left behind caused. Something. Anything. But I don't know what.
hasitsthorns: (Sʜᴇ ʟɪᴠᴇs ɪɴ ᴀ ᴅᴀʏᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ) (Sʜᴇ ʟɪᴠᴇs ɪɴ ᴀ ᴅᴀʏᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-27 09:10 am (UTC)(link)
You think I'd have learned that, [ she sighs, placing a hand gingerly to her heart. As if it actually aches and she needs to soothe it. Honestly, it kind of does. A dull pain deep in her chest that doesn't ever quite go away these days. ]

Need to invite more new things into my life, I think. Haven't really... been too social lately, I guess. [ There were the network posts, yeah, but she hasn't been out in a while. Involved. She hasn't wanted to be, hasn't wanted to try and seek out a way to ease that loneliness because it usually had the opposite effect of making her even more acutely aware of how everyone she loved was gone. ]
hasitsthorns: (Is ʜᴇᴀʀᴛᴀᴄʜᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-07-31 01:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Don't know if I do, these days.

[ It doesn't seem like there's much point anymore in letting people in. She has limited insight; despite all the good it obviously did her, right now she can only see the bad. And she can only see a future where it will continue to be bad.

She can only barely remember a time before Haven. A time when she wasn't happy, but she could pretend to be. She wonders if she can get that back somehow. She wonders if it'd be worth it to revert.
hasitsthorns: ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴀʟʟᴇʏ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ (Iᴛ's ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-08-01 10:21 am (UTC)(link)

[ The woman whines, childishly. A bit of exaggeration for a dash of humor in an otherwise heavy conversation. She wouldn't be Rose if she didn't try to lighten things just a little at some point. ]

Jeez, fine, I'll try to not... be such a hermit anymore, I guess.
hasitsthorns: (Aɴᴅ ɪғ ʜᴏʟᴅɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ᴍᴇᴀɴs)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-08-02 02:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ That was the intended effect, so she's glad to know that it worked. Well. Almost worked, anyway. ]

Yeah, yeah, I'm movin', [ the blond huffs, swinging her legs back over to the rooftop. She stands steadily, sighing as she takes a few casual steps away from the building's edge. There's still that urge, that ache to leap but it's... dulled now, at least.

Hopefully she can get it to stay that way. Hopefully she'll have Rey to literally smack some sense into her again if the desire crops up.
hasitsthorns: (pic#10878873)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-08-12 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
Harder than you know, [ she admits, in a rare moment of honesty. Her gaze goes unfocused for a moment as the problem of how hungry she is rears its ugly head, but. She snaps back in a second. ]

But now that I stepped away, hopefully... It'll be easier to stay away again. I don't know, really, but.

We'll see, I guess.
hasitsthorns: (Aɴᴅ I ᴀᴍ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-08-20 01:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Nor does Rose expect her to. It's... Look, it's going to be a bit touch and go for a while, but hopefully she can get to a place where she's marginally a bit more 'okay.' More and more she's not sure she ever will be truly alright, honestly.

More and more she's thinking she never was to begin with though.

I don't know, [ she admits. ] Back in Haven, I had a... supplier. Someone who was able to regenerate from getting literal chunks taken out of him. [ And he's here, is the worst part. But they were co-dependent and unhealthy. She tried to reach out him only to get no response too so that kind of said all it needed to. ] But that's not an option anymore, so.
hasitsthorns: (Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜɴ ɪs ɢᴏɴᴇ)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns 2017-08-23 07:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Even if Rey were to find a solution, Rose isn't sure she wants one. ... She's fine, being a martyr. ]

I don't know. Whatever Kite did, it fucked me up something fierce. I always thought... it'd be too much to ask, I guess.

[ She is friendly with them, but that means, ]

They got enough shit going on.

[ that she doesn't like asking things of them, like she doesn't any of her friends. It doesn't feel right, not when they're facing the threat of the Null on top of trying to rebuild. ]

(no subject)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns - 2017-08-24 11:09 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns - 2017-08-25 15:48 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns - 2017-09-04 13:09 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] hasitsthorns - 2017-09-17 11:47 (UTC) - Expand