"not here right now.
leave a message. will get back to you soon.
probably."
TEXT
CALL
VIDEO
NOTE: As of 12/2016, Rey has adopted the alias "Fiona Stransky" when working with the Guard. Something to keep in mind, as Rey maintains a low profile with her involvement in the group. Other than what is mentioned in the Guard records, there is no trace of a "Fiona" identified on the network.
[When it comes to the easy way, Rey is not one to preach. She has either done or attempted such a route more than once -- definitely more than she is glad to admit. There is no pride in her endeavors and successes, or even her attempt to dissuade Hope from ever bringing her back that one time. Because dying is easy. It's better than to see what her absence does to hurt others.
[She just can't do that to them again.
[Her arms fold over her chest, not wavering or moving from her place on the rooftop.]
Have been around long enough, seen enough people come and go and die to just learn not to expect permanence. That nothing lasts forever, no matter how good it feels and how much you want it. Eventually, things will end.
Doesn't make the pain go away, doesn't make things less shit -- but it does help a little... To know that you're not so much as replacing them, but inviting something new into your life. Maybe.
You think I'd have learned that, [ she sighs, placing a hand gingerly to her heart. As if it actually aches and she needs to soothe it. Honestly, it kind of does. A dull pain deep in her chest that doesn't ever quite go away these days. ]
Need to invite more new things into my life, I think. Haven't really... been too social lately, I guess. [ There were the network posts, yeah, but she hasn't been out in a while. Involved. She hasn't wanted to be, hasn't wanted to try and seek out a way to ease that loneliness because it usually had the opposite effect of making her even more acutely aware of how everyone she loved was gone. ]
[And doesn't Rey know that. It didn't take until seeing the result her actions have caused for her to realize that she had made a mistake. She has made many mistakes.]
Coming from personal experience, you're more likely to net those things by not throwing yourself from a rooftop. [Despite that being the reason why Rey is here.] It's more than just being "social", though. You have to actually want people around. To stay. Otherwise, there's no point.
[ It doesn't seem like there's much point anymore in letting people in. She has limited insight; despite all the good it obviously did her, right now she can only see the bad. And she can only see a future where it will continue to be bad.
She can only barely remember a time before Haven. A time when she wasn't happy, but she could pretend to be. She wonders if she can get that back somehow. She wonders if it'd be worth it to revert. ]
[ The woman whines, childishly. A bit of exaggeration for a dash of humor in an otherwise heavy conversation. She wouldn't be Rose if she didn't try to lighten things just a little at some point. ]
Jeez, fine, I'll try to not... be such a hermit anymore, I guess.
[ That was the intended effect, so she's glad to know that it worked. Well. Almost worked, anyway. ]
Yeah, yeah, I'm movin', [ the blond huffs, swinging her legs back over to the rooftop. She stands steadily, sighing as she takes a few casual steps away from the building's edge. There's still that urge, that ache to leap but it's... dulled now, at least.
Hopefully she can get it to stay that way. Hopefully she'll have Rey to literally smack some sense into her again if the desire crops up. ]
[Rey is very familiar with that urge, and all the same doesn't wish it on anyone. Even someone as infuriating as Rosie. Sure, at one point Rey would have liked nothing more than to dig a knife through the other woman's throat; circumstances were just a little different then. She was still fired up about Love's revival, and some open wounds that were still fresh. Not that she's entirely over it, but...
[Same difference, really.
[She scoffs at Rosie's reply, as Rey moves away from the ledge herself.]
Harder than you know, [ she admits, in a rare moment of honesty. Her gaze goes unfocused for a moment as the problem of how hungry she is rears its ugly head, but. She snaps back in a second. ]
But now that I stepped away, hopefully... It'll be easier to stay away again. I don't know, really, but.
[Rey doesn't like that being their only option. She can't keep an eye on Rosie all the time, or know whether or not she's going to try and pull a jumper again. But this is already improvement.
[Something Rosie mentioned moments ago does nag at Rey, now that she's had some time to think about it.]
Is there anything that can be done about your hunger? Something that doesn't involve you snuffing yourself or other people?
[ Nor does Rose expect her to. It's... Look, it's going to be a bit touch and go for a while, but hopefully she can get to a place where she's marginally a bit more 'okay.' More and more she's not sure she ever will be truly alright, honestly.
More and more she's thinking she never was to begin with though. ]
I don't know, [ she admits. ] Back in Haven, I had a... supplier. Someone who was able to regenerate from getting literal chunks taken out of him. [ And he's here, is the worst part. But they were co-dependent and unhealthy. She tried to reach out him only to get no response too so that kind of said all it needed to. ] But that's not an option anymore, so.
[That doesn't sound ideal, though the first thing to come to mind now is Sato. Though she doubts he'd be so willing to extend aid without getting something in return.
[Of course, there's always the option of just taking from him. Not like he's ever needed permission from anyone else.]
Maybe there's a way to reverse what's been done to you? Ever tried asking one of the gods, or someone here?
[Since Rose seems so friendly with their captors, she shouldn't have any trouble asking for favors. Right?]
[ Even if Rey were to find a solution, Rose isn't sure she wants one. ... She's fine, being a martyr. ]
I don't know. Whatever Kite did, it fucked me up something fierce. I always thought... it'd be too much to ask, I guess.
[ She is friendly with them, but that means, ]
They got enough shit going on.
[ that she doesn't like asking things of them, like she doesn't any of her friends. It doesn't feel right, not when they're facing the threat of the Null on top of trying to rebuild. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[She just can't do that to them again.
[Her arms fold over her chest, not wavering or moving from her place on the rooftop.]
Have been around long enough, seen enough people come and go and die to just learn not to expect permanence. That nothing lasts forever, no matter how good it feels and how much you want it. Eventually, things will end.
Doesn't make the pain go away, doesn't make things less shit -- but it does help a little... To know that you're not so much as replacing them, but inviting something new into your life. Maybe.
[She shrugs.]
no subject
Need to invite more new things into my life, I think. Haven't really... been too social lately, I guess. [ There were the network posts, yeah, but she hasn't been out in a while. Involved. She hasn't wanted to be, hasn't wanted to try and seek out a way to ease that loneliness because it usually had the opposite effect of making her even more acutely aware of how everyone she loved was gone. ]
no subject
[And doesn't Rey know that. It didn't take until seeing the result her actions have caused for her to realize that she had made a mistake. She has made many mistakes.]
Coming from personal experience, you're more likely to net those things by not throwing yourself from a rooftop. [Despite that being the reason why Rey is here.] It's more than just being "social", though. You have to actually want people around. To stay. Otherwise, there's no point.
no subject
[ It doesn't seem like there's much point anymore in letting people in. She has limited insight; despite all the good it obviously did her, right now she can only see the bad. And she can only see a future where it will continue to be bad.
She can only barely remember a time before Haven. A time when she wasn't happy, but she could pretend to be. She wonders if she can get that back somehow. She wonders if it'd be worth it to revert. ]
no subject
Cut that shit out.
no subject
[ The woman whines, childishly. A bit of exaggeration for a dash of humor in an otherwise heavy conversation. She wouldn't be Rose if she didn't try to lighten things just a little at some point. ]
Jeez, fine, I'll try to not... be such a hermit anymore, I guess.
no subject
That's better. Now can you get the fuck away from this ledge?
[She gets where Rosie is coming from. Really. But sometimes you need a good smack to sort things out.]
no subject
Yeah, yeah, I'm movin', [ the blond huffs, swinging her legs back over to the rooftop. She stands steadily, sighing as she takes a few casual steps away from the building's edge. There's still that urge, that ache to leap but it's... dulled now, at least.
Hopefully she can get it to stay that way. Hopefully she'll have Rey to literally smack some sense into her again if the desire crops up. ]
no subject
[Same difference, really.
[She scoffs at Rosie's reply, as Rey moves away from the ledge herself.]
There. That wasn't so hard, now was it?
no subject
But now that I stepped away, hopefully... It'll be easier to stay away again. I don't know, really, but.
We'll see, I guess.
no subject
[Rey doesn't like that being their only option. She can't keep an eye on Rosie all the time, or know whether or not she's going to try and pull a jumper again. But this is already improvement.
[Something Rosie mentioned moments ago does nag at Rey, now that she's had some time to think about it.]
Is there anything that can be done about your hunger? Something that doesn't involve you snuffing yourself or other people?
no subject
More and more she's thinking she never was to begin with though. ]
I don't know, [ she admits. ] Back in Haven, I had a... supplier. Someone who was able to regenerate from getting literal chunks taken out of him. [ And he's here, is the worst part. But they were co-dependent and unhealthy. She tried to reach out him only to get no response too so that kind of said all it needed to. ] But that's not an option anymore, so.
no subject
[Of course, there's always the option of just taking from him. Not like he's ever needed permission from anyone else.]
Maybe there's a way to reverse what's been done to you? Ever tried asking one of the gods, or someone here?
[Since Rose seems so friendly with their captors, she shouldn't have any trouble asking for favors. Right?]
no subject
I don't know. Whatever Kite did, it fucked me up something fierce. I always thought... it'd be too much to ask, I guess.
[ She is friendly with them, but that means, ]
They got enough shit going on.
[ that she doesn't like asking things of them, like she doesn't any of her friends. It doesn't feel right, not when they're facing the threat of the Null on top of trying to rebuild. ]
no subject
Don't you think you'd be more useful to them if you're not dying or thinking of throwing yourself off their architecture?
[While Rey can see where Rosie is coming from, it's always easier to call someone out on their shit when they're not you.]
no subject
I dunno', Sorrow's probably having a friggin' field day with me lately.
[ Though when she'd hinted at giving into her sorrow before, he'd seemed
Well, not understanding because they can't understand. She doesn't think so, anyway. Still.
He'd told her not to give up. That she was needed. ]
no subject
Will hit you again. Will hit you so hard you'll wish it'd only knock your head right off your shoulders, but it won't, but you'll hate it anyway.
[Seriously, Rose. It won't be pretty.]
no subject
Alright, alright. I'll stop being such a sad sack. Maybe I'll talk to Hope.
Maybe.
no subject
[Look at Rey now, all asserting herself and shit.]
no subject
Okay, mom.
no subject
You know, the last person to call me that was actually serious about it.
[It's awkward.]
no subject
Wait, what. No, uh. Trust me, I don't mean it. You're definitely more like a bro to me, I think.
no subject
[It's weird shit for her to hear, okay?]
It's fine, yes. Bro. Good. [Yes.]